When I sit down to talk with people for Humans Among Us, I’m often reminded that the biggest turning points in our lives rarely feel important when they occur. They usually begin quietly with a small decision to say hello to someone, to smile at a stranger, to compliment someone, all serving as a simple invitation for a dialogue and connection.
In the case of Charlie and Ruth, an ordinary evening that could have easily gone another way had one of them decided not to accept a small subtle invitation from life.
The Night That Almost Didn’t Happen
Ruth almost didn’t go to the party.
Ruth had just moved into an apartment nearby and spent the entire day unpacking boxes. The last thing she wanted to do was walk down the street to a neighborhood block party. But a friend convinced her. Reluctantly, she went. That small decision would eventually become a marriage that has lasted nearly forty years. Charlie remembers that 1982 block party vividly.“She walked in wearing a red Adidas tracksuit. I saw her and thought, look at this girl,” he says with a laugh. “Everything has to be coordinated.” He pauses, smiling toward Ruth during our conversation; “And now I understand; that’s still true everywhere she goes. Her style always matches”
Charlie describes their connection with a word that perfectly captures the story of how they met. Beshert. A Yiddish word that means meant to be.
Looking back, they sometimes wonder if their lives had almost intersected earlier. Both of them spent years frequenting many of the same bars in Milwaukee before they ever officially met. Ruth was born in Washington, D.C. but moved to Milwaukee when her father completed his medical residency there. They moved through the same city. The same neighborhoods and bars. Yet somehow, they never crossed paths until that night at the block party. “I sometimes wonder,” Charlie said thoughtfully, “did we ever cross paths in those bars before we met?I wish there was a way to go back. She may have been standing next to me at some point and I didn’t know”. But one thing he knows for certain is how much that moment changed his life. “My life is so much better with her in it. I’m a very, very lucky man.” Then he added something that reveals the depth of his respect for the woman beside him. “She’s probably thestrongest individual I’ve ever known. She speaks her mind. She’s honest.”
Listening to him, I was reminded of something we often forget about love. The strongest relationships are rarely built on perfection. They are built on admiration recognizing the strength, character, and spirit in another person and choosing, day after day, to walk through life together.
For forty years, Ruth built a career in the retail industry as a buyer for a major department store. Her work took her across the world to Taiwan, Hong Kong, and Pakistan often navigating spaces dominated by men. Those experiences demanded confidence, resilience, and the courage to stand firm in who she was. The same qualities that helped her succeed professionally also helped shape the life she and Charlie built together.
Financial Lessons Worth Investing In
Over the years, they have learned lessons they believe younger generations should hear more often, especially about financial discipline and resisting the quiet pressure of comparison.Ruth smiles when she admits she has always been the “finance person” in the relationship. “Stop thinking you have to keep up with the Joneses,” she says. “Stop thinking you have to have everything that’s new.” Behind that simple advice lies a deeper truth.
Much of our stress comes not from what we truly need but from what we think we should have.
Her advice is practical. Start saving early even if it’s small. “Put twenty-five dollars away every paycheck,” she says. “And when you get a raise, increase it.” Avoid unnecessary debt. Pay off credit cards every month. Cook at home more often. Small habits, she explains, become the quiet architecture of freedom later in life. Charlie laughs and nods. “Ruth is basically always right.” Those habits allowed them to retire comfortably Charlie eleven years ago and Ruth fifteen and to spend this stage of their lives doing something many people dream about but never quite reach: Exploring the world together.
Finding Meaning through Travel and Music
Travel has always been a shared passion for them. For Charlie and Ruth, travel is not about checking destinations off a list. “It’s all about being open to explore.” They have long been drawn to the American Southwest, especially its landscapes and Native American culture. Their homes over the years have reflected that love, decorated with Native American art and symbols. When Ruth retired, they took a three-week road trip that eventually led them to Santa Fe. They discovered it almost by accident and immediately fell in love. From there they explored Bandelier National Monument, climbing into ancient cliff dwellings carved into canyon walls. They drove the scenic road to Taos, crossing the Rio Grande Gorge and visiting Taos Pueblo. They also visited Ghost Ranch, inspired by the paintings of Georgia O’Keeffe.
There is a quiet wisdom in their approach to life. Life rarely unfolds according to our plans. But when we stay open curious about places, people, and experiences, we allow life to surprise us.
Charlie’s curiosity also shows up in his love for music. One song that has stayed with him throughout his life is John Lennon’s Imagine. He loves the message so much that Imagine” is tattooed on him. For Charlie, the song represents something deeper than music. It represents the possibility of a world beyond the divisions and social constructs we often create. Last September, Charlie and Ruth traveled to Liverpool to see the places connected to the Beatles. He also remembers one unforgettable moment from years earlier seeing Bob Marley and the Wailers perform live before Marley’s passing.
Music, for Charlie, carries memories of time, place, and possibility.
Walking Around the Dog Poop
Their nearly forty-year marriage has not been without challenges. As a biracial couple, Charlie and Ruth faced opposition early on, not only from society but even from some of his familymembers. Charlie remembers confronting that reality directly. “I called them what they were,” he says plainly. “Racists.” But over time, they developed a philosophy for dealing with negativity. Charlie explains it with a metaphor that makes people laugh but also understand immediately. “You see dog poop on the sidewalk,” he says. “Do you walk through it?” Of course not. “You walk around it.”
Not every battle deserves our energy. Some people will never change. Some attitudes are not worth carrying through life.
Instead of allowing negativity to dominate their lives, Charlie and Ruth chose to walk around it and focus on building the life they wanted together. Their relationship reflects a belief they repeated throughout our conversation. “Love is love”.
Love is Love
When I asked both couples about a life lesson that was worth sharing and practicing, Charlie did not hesitate to answer, “Love is Love”. “Find someone, whether is a he or she or whatever your preference is and just love them. Love them for who they are. Life is very short and having a chance to love and be loved is what it is all about”
He said it so simply, but there was something deeper behind it. After nearly forty years of marriage through challenges, resistance, and change, his answer wasn’t about success, money, or even happiness. It was about connections. In a world that often complicates relationships with expectations, labels, and conditions, Charlie’s perspective felt like a return to something essential.
At the end of it all, what remains is not what we accumulate, but who we choose to walk through life with and how fully we allow ourselves to love them.
Reflection
As I listened and watched these two love birds tell their impactful story with so much affection and warmth towards each other, I kept returning to that word they used earlier, Beshert –meant to be.
Growing up in Ghana, I have always had a similar belief and feeling that certain encounters in life carry deeper meaning. Things just don’t happen, and our ability to notice those moments and the courage to lean into those moments (small or big) eventually leads us where life intends us to be. My entire journey from moving from Ghana to Wyoming to meeting them at this very point in life is Beshert.
What also struck me most about Charlie and Ruth’s story is not simply that they met. It’s that their entire life together hinged on a small decision that could have easily gone the other way.A tired woman deciding to go to a party. A man noticing her across a yard. A couple choosing to prioritize savings. A couple choosing each other regardless of the social constructs around them.
It made me wonder how many moments in our own lives pass quietly by that may seem ordinary at the time but later reveal themselves as turning points. Maybe life isn’t a straight path.Maybe it’s a web of encounters, choices, and connections. Each one shaping the direction of the next. And perhaps the real lesson is this:
The universe rarely announces the moments that will change our lives. It is our willingness to lean into those moments often with uncertainty that later becomes the turning point.
Those moments arrive quietly. Sometimes they look like a block party. Sometimes they look like a stranger. And sometimes they look like a small decision to do something we don’t feel like doing.
This reminded me of something I once read in Be 2.0 by Jim Collins and Bill Lazier: “Yes it is risky to throw everything into the pursuit of a low odd dream, but if at that critical moment you do not go all in, the odds of achieving the dream goes from low to zero”. The authors reminded us that a great life is built not by chance but by choice. When we feel the urge to act but ignore it, we quietly close the door on possibilities that might have changed everything. But when we act even in small ways, we allow life to unfold. And years later, when we look back, we begin to see the threads. Only then do we realize: It might have been meant to be.
This impactful conversation was a result of exactly that, me noticing Ruth and the decision to courageously and vulnerably acknowledge and compliment her beauty and her intentionally coordinated style in the lobby of the Inn of the Governor, Santa Fe during “Tea & Sherry hour”. That decision and moment in time, later, afforded us to have breakfast where they shared a piece of their remarkable story and perspective with me. A conversation I personally took so much out of, and dare I say, one that changed my life.
So perhaps this is also an invitation to pay attention to life’s subtle moments. They often hold the quiet keys that open our minds, expand our perspective, and lead us somewhere we never expected to go. Because sometimes, all it takes is the courage to say hello. And years later, when we look back and open ourselves to it, we realize it was….
Beshert.
